so close i can taste it

It has been two years and two months since my book became what it is today. I will admit, it's been longer since I started writing but it wasn't until July of 2009 that it became the story I vowed to put my heart and soul into finishing it for. I've always planned for it to be a series but for some reason I keep finding it difficult to spread out the events over a three book saga. At one point there were going to be four, then three, and now somehow it's dwindled itself down to two. Those events however are only the things i've come up with so far.... I have no doubt that in the future there will be room for expansion.

Only three chapters remain in the gap I have to fill before I can declare my first book complete. It's funny how easy it is to write the beginning and the end of an epic tale, but the middle doesn't really present itself that clear to you. There are declarations to be made and secrets to uncover, as well as a pretty sick battle... but apparently those things are the hardest to write.

I've always heard about writers speaking of their characters like children, but I haven't been able to fully grasp that concept until now. I wrote the last chapter of book one a few weeks ago (out of order of course) and believe it or not I actually felt the urge to cry! These characters have grown very close to me over the past two years. Every day I wake up and think to myself, 'What will happen next?'. Every situation I get myself into I tend to imagine how Denni would respond and what her feelings might be. It's crazy how engulfed you become in creating your own world.

I told myself from the beginning that the moment book one was complete I would start the hunt for an editor, this way at least I'll have one book behind me incase I suddenly get placed on a time crunch to finish the rest...

Anyone who has any advice or knowledge of someone I could contact please leave feedback - it would be much appreciated!

I WILL prove to everyone that no matter what your dream is, it IS possibly if you simply get up off your bum and do something about it! Take a chance! Anything is possible if you truly believe in it!

follow the yellow brick road.

Patterns repeat. That's what they do.
In times of great strife, patterns re-collect themselves into what they know.
Things hurt. We learn this as we travel along the same road our whole lives.
Things cut so deep that it seems incapable of being fixed.
It's only after time that you can look back and see that the cuts really weren't as deep as you thought.
Back when you thought you were destroyed, you were only let down.
When you thought absolutely no one in this world wanted to be with you,
there was someone right there - waiting in the distance.
Every time you thought you were wrong - you were right.
Whenever you knew you were right - you were wrong.
Patterns repeat. That's what we do.
We as humans are the patterns of life.
We do not follow a road; we are the road.
Our lives make up the insignificance of a moment or the importance of a second.
We are the seeds that plant the future.
Continue the patten - continue the tries.
The patterns are the things that don't make sense.
That's why there's no reason behind it.
It just is.
Follow the pattern. Follow your life.
In the end, we all end up where we're supposed to be.
In the center.

Dear God: If Only

If only we could love endlessly-
Flawlessly, with no effort.
If only the way we felt wasn’t a sin
And there were no consequences for our actions.
We could just be.
A single unit with no measure or standard.
If only I could write my feelings in the sky
For the world to see,
But it’s impossible.
The way You make me feel is indescribable,
But I can’t have You.
You’re not the easy way out
And that’s all that matters in the end right?
Taking care of myself?
What if what’s best for myself isn’t out there?
If only I could capture every second in time
Where I felt alone.
Then, could I prove to You that sometimes we’re just helpless?
I got what I deserved, but that wasn’t good enough.
I had to have more.
I saw something and I knew at that point
IT WAS GOING TO RUIN ME,
But I loved every minute of it.
You’ve saved so much of my life
And I am forever in debt.
Why can’t You see it’s not about me
And just take me?
I won’t fight.
If only…
If only I could stop
And just be.