I'm writing this post because I have something I need to get off my chest.
Within the last six months or so, I've been struggling with something I've never faced before. My current health situation aside, something inside me didn't feel right. I was uninspired. My drive to write and the motivation I needed to be creative was not there. I didn't understand it at first, but after talking it out with a lot of different people, it's clear to me now what I need to do.
When I first embarked on rereleasing The Mind Breaker Accounts, I had two motivating factors in mind:
1) This is the type of story that will sell
2) I'm going to put all of my money any resources into this series and see what happens
Both thoughts haunted me while writing the first two books, but they didn't latch on and cause damage until I got to the third one. Don't get me wrong, this series will always be dear to me. Don't read this and think I'm intending to hate on the story, because I know there are people out there that are fans of these books. I started this series when I was in high school, and it was my way of testing the waters when it came to writing and becoming published. I learned a lot through them, but even so, I was never attached to them. This type of book - the paranormal, science fictiony stuff - it's never been my forte. I enjoy reading it from time to time, but my heart truly lies in the contemporary world. Those that have read my novel, Small Circles, should realize this to be true. It took nothing for me to write that book, and yet I poured my entire soul into it. It was easy and it felt right, because that story is the type of thing I'm passionate about. Without a shadow of a doubt, it's what I'm MEANT TO DO.
I love telling stories about teenagers. I love exploring their struggles and reminding people how important the small things used to be. YA isn't just about being a young person. It's about embracing the fact that your entire world is ever-changing and wide open. For those that are my age or older, it might seem like petty drama to you now, but when you were 16, if that boy you liked didn't talk to you, it felt like the end of the world. Despite experiencing first loves and everlasting friendships, I learned so much about myself when I was in high school. The experiences I went through shaped me into who I am now, and I wouldn't trade it for anything. That time in my life was so important, and I feel like it's my job to share that with others.
This brings me back to my point...
Because I finally understood my true passion, I realized that I was stuck. I had committed myself to something that I didn't really care about. I was writing something that I didn't love. I was writing something for the sake of making money, and I had conformed to the idea that I could write anything for anyone, when in reality, I should have been writing it for me.
I have to write the book that only I can write, and right now, INSTEAD OF THIS is not that book.
I'm sure this is disappointing to those of you that have been anxiously awaiting the third book in the series, but I wanted to be honest with you, and I wanted to do what's best for me. I don't want to give you something that I'm not 100% proud of. I don't want to write a book that has no backbone. When I write something, it's got to come from my heart. I'm not saying that INSTEAD OF THIS will never be finished. All I'm saying is that I'm planning to step away from it for a while, until I feel confident in it again. One day, when the time is right, I'll come back to it. But only when I'm ready.
What I'm going to do now is focus all of my energy into something that I've been dying to get my hands on. I'm going to start working on the Small Circles short stories full time, and I plan to get it out to you by the end of the summer like originally planned. I'm confident that this is the best decision for me, and I hope you will all agree that it's better than forcing something just for the sake of making a sale. Working on Instead of This made me start to despise writing. And I love writing, so I never want to feel like this again.
If you have any questions, feel free to contact me.
Your love and support has gotten me this far, so I hope you can stick with me through the rest of my journey. Scratch that. Let's make it OUR journey, because I couldn't do any of this without you.