Dear God: If Only

If only we could love endlessly-
Flawlessly, with no effort.
If only the way we felt wasn’t a sin
And there were no consequences for our actions.
We could just be.
A single unit with no measure or standard.
If only I could write my feelings in the sky
For the world to see,
But it’s impossible.
The way You make me feel is indescribable,
But I can’t have You.
You’re not the easy way out
And that’s all that matters in the end right?
Taking care of myself?
What if what’s best for myself isn’t out there?
If only I could capture every second in time
Where I felt alone.
Then, could I prove to You that sometimes we’re just helpless?
I got what I deserved, but that wasn’t good enough.
I had to have more.
I saw something and I knew at that point
IT WAS GOING TO RUIN ME,
But I loved every minute of it.
You’ve saved so much of my life
And I am forever in debt.
Why can’t You see it’s not about me
And just take me?
I won’t fight.
If only…
If only I could stop
And just be.