I bare my windowed self untamed and untrained.

I am engaged. Let's just go on and state that simple fact for the world to hear. It's true and it's really here. I've gotten my wish. After nights and nights of crying out my dreams to God and praying every day He would rescue me from my loneliness - it's finally mine to hold. Trent makes me happier than anyone I could possibly ask for. However, I've come to a snag in my plot. Becoming a part of someone's life permanently calls for certain changes don't you think? I'm more than ready to become a single unit with him - I want him as my life. The only problem is the fact that maybe I'm not as willing to let everyone else go...

I am a person of memory. Things stick to me and whether I write it all down in my journal or not, it's there. All those images of their eyes staring back at me are burned into my brain. I can still feel the texture of my first's skin and I remember the layout of his bedroom vividly. I can still hear my first love's laugh ringing in my ears despite the meaningless feelings I have for him now. I even remember all the words that made me tingle inside from all those that never became anything more than a want and a need from me. What will it take for my heart to let those things go?

I know... it's not like I've got to ditch all my memories and become this entirely different person because of this. I simply feel that in order for my heart to be completely devoted to my husband I have to learn to let other people from my past go. It's unbearable to think about losing some of their friendships. I've made them a part of me forever and now I feel as if I'm forced to rip them out piece by piece.

For the one that I loathed with everything I had within me - I'm okay now.
For the one that I gave my most precious gift to - I'm sorry you never knew.
For the one that I shared only a half life with - our time was fate.

I know that this is what my entire life's journey has led me to. My marriage to Trent will honestly be what everything I went through was for and in the end I know I can look back and say it was all worth it. Every decision and every action was for our future. Thank you to anyone who broke my heart and thank you to anyone who held it together even for just a moment.

Thank you to anyone who gave me a second life in which I could live for whatever time we had.

I will never let any of you completely go, but just know that I no longer depend on your memories to keep me whole anymore. I simply look back and remember how you all brought me to where I'm standing. That is how I will keep you in my life - as part of my journey.